In today's news...

Teenager admits microwaving hamster

        Obviously with the weather being frozen, the news has followed suit. Hence the above headline. A teenager has admitted cooking his hamster and is now being crucified in court by the RSPCA.

       There are so many things I don't get about this. Cooking hamsters is one effective way of getting rid of vermin - no one would have complained had the victim been a rat or Jedward. It's also a neat idea for eating cheaply - instead of buying a calf or piglet and nurturing them until they are ready to be slaughtered (and burning through a fortune) you can simply buy some hamsters at the food/pet store and probably cook them in a much quicker time.

       People also seem to be focussing on the 'crime' that was the 16 year old's 'murder' of a creature when in fact the real crime was that against cuisine. No mention was made of any sauces in which the hamster was cooked in, leading me to suspect that he was just prepared on his own which is in itself a heinous act. If you are going to microwave a creature, do it properly and preferably with vegetables. Gravy is good too.

       Furthermore, where do the RSPCA get off in bringing charges against an innocent starving immigrant child? I certainly don't support cruelty to animals (unless it is Alvin and The Chipmunks) but I do think that in some sense too much attention and respect is given to this organisation when we should instead be upholding the value of HUMAN life. The RSPCA don't seem to care that they are getting this boy in trouble (for the crime of preparing himself a meal) in defence of a hamster. Surely humans come first.  At this point I would like to quote two very respected philosophers - Bret McKenzie and Jermaine Clement - who highlighted that;

"There's children on the streets using guns and knives, taking drugs and each other's lives, killing each other using knives and forks and calling each other names like dork. There's people on the street getting diseases from monkeys...I saw a man lying on the street half dead, he had knives and forks sticking out of his leg. He said, 'Ahh ahh ahh ahhhhhhhhwww can somebody get the knife and fork out of my leg, please, ooh, could somebody please remove these cutleries from my knees!".

       Evidently then there are many worse problems going on in the world such as murder, rape, war, drug addiction - is it not right that all efforts by organisations should be put into solving/stopping these rather than prosecuting so-called 'animal abusers'?? On top of that, if animals such as rats, pigeons and monkeys are giving humans diseases, they are obviously a threat that should be exterminated.

       Finally, when I actually read the article (having seen the headline first), I was deeply saddened to discover that the hamster itself was not, in fact, a member of G-force. I only hope that there are others like this teenager, who have more success in the hunting down of the Wibberley's regretable creations.