In todays news...

Someone working for BBC online today was obviously having a laugh when they mixed up two of the most popular headlines to form:

Ranger keeper put to sleep

and

World's 'oldest dog' denies sex claims

Apart from their headlines, the stories weren't any good. One other news story did catch my eye though.


'Doomsday Clock' moves a minute back

       So that's a good thing is it? The group in charge of it (the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists [BAS]) said it made the decision to move the clock back because of a more "hopeful state of world affairs". So are we meant to get excited then? Be all positive because things seem to be going right in the world for once and thus we seem to have moved further away from Armageddon?

        By further away I of course mean ONE MINUTE!!! Yeah, that's right, the clock hands have moved back from 5 minutes to midnight to 6 minutes to midnight. Thats fuck all of an improvement. That shouldn't be celebrated, the whole of mankind should really be quite worried! An improvement would be 'The Doomsday Clock now stands at half-eleven' or even better, 'Doomsday Clock scrapped by government because it is deemed as a health hazard'. But celebrating the fact that the hands have moved back a minute? It's on par with celebrating the 'Sex and the City' movie franchise making a trilogy or something as heinous as that.

       Seriously though, which cretinous idiot invented this device? It's rather dangerous don't you think? What the fuck happens when the clocks go forward in Spring? It's like inventing a nuclear weapon 'just because scientists can' when all it will do is destroy people and our world. Friccin' Idiots!!! And the tosspots that are the BAS didn't give us a chance at all. The Clock face itself started at 11:51 - it's as if they wanted to give nuclear war a headstart. Creating this Clock was about as dumb as the creation of the Large Hadron Collider which actually had a chance of making a Black Hole that would have destroyed the earth. I would argue that if there is any chance of that happening then said device should not even be attempted. What is wrong with scientists? Pretty much everything they do is evil!

Possible Solutions:

-Tie Dawn French to the top of the long-hand so that it will fall back to half-past and remain there forever. Therefore the world will never end and the whole crisis situation will have been defused by the power of comedy.
-Actually create a real life Team America to go round and dispose of those holding WMD's that are threats whilst America disposes of its own.
-Destroy the Doomsday Clock so that it will never be able to destroy the world (because it is in fact the Clock that will cause Armageddon and no-one else).