In today's news continued...

Firstly, can I just write a small disclaimer - I would prefer to be doing satire on celebrities or politicians. However, news in those areas is scarce and besides, it's hard to resist a story such as the following.

Man with genitals in pipe cut free


       A man who went to casualty with his penis stuck in a steel pipe had to be cut free by firefighters using a metal grinder. Medics at Southampton General Hospital could not get the man's penis out of the stainless steel pipe because the restricted blood flow had caused it to become aroused, so they called in Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service. They turned up with a special equipment unit from St Mary's station in Southampton and seven firefighters to help in what a spokesman said was a "delicate operation".
       The firefighters used the four-and-a-half-inch grinder to cut the pipe from around the man's penis and it took about 30 minutes. The patient was given an anaesthetic and his penis was left bruised and swollen but otherwise unharmed. The anxious man, aged about 40, gave hospital staff no explanation about how the pipe got stuck after he turned up on Tuesday morning.
       A Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service spokesman said: "Initially the crew did not have the appropriate cutting equipment to free the man.
       "It was a very delicate operation that required a very steady hand and the crew was worried about things getting too hot during the cutting.
      "It's certainly an unusual call-out and I'm sure the man won't be getting into that situation again."

*********************************************************************************
       Now, that was the article. here are my thoughts.
1. Look at all the innuendo used in this article - whoever wrote it must have been having the time of their lives: "four and a half inches", "steady hand", "special equipment" and "too hot" to name a few.
2. Why is the man's age important? Either tell us his name as well so he can be fully ridiculed or don't disclose any details!! When we look at his age are we meant to think ' good to see the old guy's still got it in him'?
3. It doesn't take seven firemen to extract a penis from a metal pipe - they were obviously just there because they were bored and wanted some entertainment.
4. This is meant to be an actual news article, not a smutty porn story. Therefore, don't say "the restricted blood flow had caused it to become aroused"!! Contrary to many women's beliefs, penis' don't have a mind of their own. The writer should have instead used 'erect' instead of "aroused". It at least reduces the sexual nature of this article a little.
5. Finally, the news story concludes with "I'm sure the man won't be getting into that situation again!". I beg to disagree. The man was having sex with a metal pipe. The operation of seperating his penis from the pole probably served to arouse him even more. Obviously he is of a more mystical and masichistic sexual persuasion and I doubt it will be long before he is back in A&E.