Well lets start with this.
Ashley Cole guilty of speeding at 104mph
The article is pretty much summed up by the title. My question is, can this man do nothing right? He leaves Arsenal, he cheats on a woman that many men (and some women of a questionable sexuality) would describe as perfect and now he is driving irresponsibly. He claimed that he was being chased by the paparazzi which forced him to drive at over double the speed limit in a 50mph zone. Of course this should remind everybody of someone else who travelled pretty fast because of the paparazzi and it is my sincere hope that their same fate awaits Mr. Cole.
Snow and ice cause travel chaos
Well no shit Sherlock. This doesn't count as news. It's common knowledge. Information like this should only appear on travel reports.
UK airports to introduce new bomb-detection equipment
This is a pretty big story at the moment. Basically, these new body scanners are being introduced to detect bombs that are attached to people or inserted in their crevices. All this extra bomb detection hype stems from an attempt by an Islamic extremist to blow up a plane on Christmas Day.
Clearly this shows that the occupation of Iraq has come to nothing. It's natives still don't understand how to celebrate Chrismas properly.
BAA has started to train its employees in behavioural analysis techniques which would be used to identify people requiring closer inspection. Instead they should just hire their workers solely from the BNP and supporters of Millwall FC. I guarantee you that any terrorist attempt after this had taken place would be caught on time and disposed of effectively. Plus, no more immigrants would get into the UK. Only positives can be drawn from my solution!
To be honest, the news was a bit boring today. Hopefully something ridiculous happens soon.
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