What might have been...

      One thing I like to do in writing for comedy is to parody films (generally shit ones) and replace the actors with different people and warp the plot. They'll take the form of a review/summary. I'm now going to start putting these on my blog so that you will hopefully enjoy them. If you don't recognise names or the film parody etc etc then just google/wikipedia them and you will understand. Expect more to come.

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Giant Phelps vs. Mega Barrymore

       Whilst trying to disprove the scientific theory that feminism causes global warming, Emma MacNeil (Ellen Degeneres) accidentally destroys a major iceberg and almost dooms civilisation.
       She promptly flees. Unbeknownst to her, two of mankinds biggest water-dwelling threats (having been frozen whilst locked in combat) were encased by that very iceberg. Upon its destruction, they thaw out and once unfrozen, they head their seperate ways.
       Phelps heads towards the Japanese coast and not long after, the Japs are left humiliated without any gold medals. Devastating attacks upon their oil rigs follow. Naturally, the Japanese blame Godzilla.
       Meanwhile, MacNeil is fired from her American talkshow (because it is shit) and heads to England. Word reaches her that an old friend Stuart Lubbock, has been found dead at the bottom of a pool in suspicious circumstances. The alcohol and drugs found in his system clearly point to the deadly work of a Barrymore.
       Realising that her antics in Alaska might have brought about the attacks by the two mysterious aqua leviathons, MacNeil journeys to see her old friend Lamar Sanders (Shawn Wayans). At first, Sanders refuses to help her, claiming that he is sick of being in piss poor horror movies and also, since he is black, he will naturally be the first main character to be killed.
       Eventually Sanders realises that without being in shit movies, he would have no way to earn a living. He therefore agrees to help MacNeil. Being a comedian, Sanders is the closest thing to an expert on Barrymores' that MacNeil can find. The two journey to Japan where they meet Dr. Seiji Samada (Matt leBlanc) who believes that the attacks on Japanese oil rigs and their lack of gold medals are all the work of a Phelps. MacNeil and Sanders ask Samada for his help. Dr. Samada readily agrees, surmising that 'Friends' left him typecast and without any work. Desperate for a job and coming off the success of the 'Ichiban-Lipstick for men' adverts, he became a Japanese scientist.
       Sanders suggests that the only way to take care of the Phelps and Barrymore threats before they strike again is to lure them to an ice trench off the Alaskan Coast where they can have a 'Thrilla in Manilla' style showdown and the monsters can take care of each other. Meanwhile, MacNeil is turned by Samada's good looks and charm. The Japanese Doctor, on the other hand, is absolutely disgusted by the ugly old lesbian and insists that she stands at least ten feet away from him when they're in the same room.
       The day of the fight arrives and both the Barrymore and the Phelps are lured to the location. However, the Phelps does not take the bait at first and instinctively kills Sanders. Desperately trying to attract the Phelps, Samada feeds MacNeil to it, restoring some dignity to America. Enraged by the death of a fellow homosexual, the Barrymore attacks the Phelps. Locked together in a deathly embrace, the two monstrous leviathons sink to the ocean floor.
       Rid of the threat, Samada vows not to put his involvement in this film on his CV and retires back into obscurity.