I had these articles put away a few weeks ago and have yet to peruse today's news.
Thief Had 75 Bottles Stuffed Down Trousers
"A man has been caught shoplifting after he stuffed 75 bottles of body lotion in his trousers.Chamil Guadarrama could not escape from authorities in Massachusetts because he was hampered by trousers that were nearly bursting at the seams.Police in Springfield said the 30-year-old was charged with shoplifting from Bath & Body Works in Eastfield Mall."
It amazes me how much being PC has messed up our society and culture. The obvious fact that they fail to mention in this article is that the thief was a black male. They basically say everything but that! They mention stealing. And the fact that he almost got away with 75 bottles stuffed down his trousers until they were bursting at the seams - well I don't want to make the stereotype of endowment any more explicit.
Aside from that 'racism' it amazes me as to the stupidity of the shoplifter. Sure he could probably get away with a couple bottles stuffed down his trousers everytime he went shopping. That is what would occur to the average person of average intelligence. A few weeks later and he would have the amount he had previously aimed for! But 75 bottles??? Of body lotion??? That is a hell of a lot of masturbation, you'd more expect a teenager from Brixton to be guilty of this crime.
Police confirmed that the shoplifter's methods had been anything but smooth.
World's 'second pregnant man' expecting baby boy next month
Speaking of stupidity, here is a fresh batch of it.
"Scott Moore and his partner, Thomas, were both born as girls and have undergone surgery and hormone treatments to transform their sex.Scott, who was born a girl called Jessica, first realised he wanted to be a man when he hit puberty aged 11."I was always a tomboy but when I started to develop breasts I realised I'd been born in the wrong body. When I told my family, they thought I was crazy, but they gradually realised I was serious and allowed me to start taking male hormones when I was 16 years old." His parents paid £4,600 for Scott to have his 36DDD chest removed. "I was very depressed and my parents realised it was the only thing that could help me," said Scott. "I opted not to have a penis because I couldn't afford it and I didn't think the results were very good - it had nothing to do with wanting children because back then I didn't think I'd ever have them." Scott and Thomas met in 2005 at a support group meeting for transgender men. Thomas began his transition aged 19, although he knew from the age of four that he wanted to be a man. Thomas, who used to be called Laura, legally changed his name in 1998. He started taking testosterone in 1999 and had his 44GG breasts removed at the UCSF medical centre in San Francisco in 2004. Later that year he had a hysterectomy and a penis made out flesh from his thigh."
Again, this is why PC culture is ridiculous. For a start, it leads to 36DDD and 44GG chests being REMOVED which is an absolute travesty. It also leads to an obvious lie being believed that men can get pregnant.
They can't. No. It doesn't and won't ever happen. Don't be silly. A man is defined by his chromosone's. He is also very much defined as a man by the presence of his penis. You either get a penis OR a vagina (hermaphrodites can fuck off). If you have your penis or vagina removed, that doesn't stop making you a man or woman. It just means that you're completely fucked up and should probably rethink your life.
Furthermore, this article completely disproves that men can give birth, whilst reporting on it! It states that Scott and Thomas were born female before they wished to change gender. That is IT! The be all and end all of the argument. They were born female and are stuck as that - nothing can change it. If Thomas was that messed up as to get a 'penis' crafted from his own ample thigh and attached to him, that doesn't make him a man. He remains a woman and thus is still capable of giving birth. So when they do get pregnant, it is in fact an abnormal woman naturally giving birth. Not a man blowing his cock off.
It just frustrates me that this stuff is called news and ground-breaking scientific discovery when in fact it is just bullshit. I don't have anything against Jessica and Laura. I'm sure they are two very loving people who will bring up there kids in a loving home which otherwise they might have lacked.
I wish Monty Python had covered this in 'The Meaning of Life'. A small seperate section entitled 'The Miracle of Birth: Until humans messed around with it.'
Martin Amis criticises Nobel writer JM Coetzee for 'having no talent'
"Martin Amis, the novelist known for his outspoken comments, has dismissed the Nobel Prize-winning author JM Coetzee as "having no talent".
Just to cover this firstly. Since when did Nobel Prize winners have talent?? It's all bullshit. Why did Obama win a Nobel Prize? For being black and becoming President of America? That isn't a talent (although it was certainly a hard feat). Hardly anyone who wins them has real talent. I think they should only be awarded to people who really make a big difference in the world like Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Nick Griffin and Martin Luther King Jnr. Or scientists such as Einstein who made ground-breaking discoveries. By that I mean new medicines that cure diseases or inventions that make life easier - NOT theories such as evolution. The article goes on about a different point however.
"After calling for the introduction of euthanasia booths for the elderly last week, he has now turned on his fellow writers, criticising the assumption that "gloomy" books are somehow more serious. Last week Amis compared Britain's growing elderly population as "an invasion of terrible immigrants", as he called for ‘death booths’ to be placed on street corners so they could kill themselves. In an interview with The Sunday Times, Amis said: "How is society going to support this silver tsunami? There'll be a population of demented very old people, like an invasion of terrible immigrants stinking out the restaurants and cafés and shops." "I can imagine a sort of civil war between the old and the young in 10 or 15 years' time."
After laughing for a very long time upon reading this, and personally agreeing with many of his ideas, I had to admit that Martin Amis certainly thinks outside the box.
Let's start with the euthanasia booths. What Amis is calling for is basically a repeat Third-Reich purge but of the elderly (not the Jews). This is just ridiculous. It's not like there is any threat of his ideas coming to realisation, but sometimes you have to mock the crap that people come out with. However, as John Lennon said not long before his assassination, "Imagine".
Eastern European tourists and Mexicans would wander into these euthanasia boxes, mistaking them for photo booths. Whilst this would go someway into solving the problem of immigration and would no doubt be supported by the BNP, the danger is there that many innocent people who certainly are not old would accidentally end their lives in this manner. So apart from euthanasia booths being beyond ridiculous, we have established that they could present a very possible menace to the non-geriatric population so we will abandon that idea.
I have got to say though that Amis is certainly growing on me, just like an unwanted fnugal infection. Similar to Nick Griffin. Certainly, both men should be campaigning side by side for the BNP/NSDAP. The phrase 'silver tsunami' is sublime and his comparison to the demented OAPs as "terrible immigrants stinking out the restaurants and cafés and shops" is brilliant. Because that is exactly what they do (old people, not so much the immigrants).
Amis is so right-wing that anything he comes out with is laughable, just like Griffin. He is also immensely stupid. He states that in 10-15 years there is the growing possiblity of civil war between the young and the old. For starters, the thought of that is immensely entertaining and there would be absolutely no contest in that war. More importantly though is the fact that Amis himself will be 70-75 in 10-15 years time, thus classing him as one of the elderly that heso readily despises. I'm sure by that time, if not now, there will be no end of people waiting to insert him into one of his euthanasia booths.
Pheasant Terrorises North Yorkshire Village
On a lighter note, this was also in the news.
"Residents of Newsham, near Richmond in Yorkshire, are being attacked in the street repeatedly by a pheasant.The belligerent bird has targeted men, women, prams, bikes, dogs and cars.It also lies in wait for children to get off their school bus, then pursues them on to the village green. Sonia Hall was attacked by the creature while out for a walk with her two-and-a-half-year-old grandson Jacob. The Daily Telegraph reports her son Charles Hall, 34, who runs the A66 Hotel near the village, as saying: "[Sonia] was really shaken up by it. She was out walking when the pheasant went for her and started pecking her legs." She tried to beat it off with her handbag but from what she said it is quite vicious. The local postman had to save her from it by kicking it."
"People think it is getting its revenge on people from some of its family being shot. We had no reported sightings on Wednesday so maybe it's had its comeuppance." Mrs Hall's partner, Robin Leonard, added: "The pheasant's attack left her with a scar on her leg. She was hitting it with her bag but it wouldn't give up.
The postman was passing by and saw the attack so ran over to help. The postman is scared to come into the village now in case the pheasant attacks him." Bob De'Ath, chairman of Newsham Parish Council, said: "Although it seems humorous, there is a serious concern that this pheasant could injure young children if it goes for their face. You can push it away, but it continues going for you. It is terrorising the whole village. We are now starting to get official complaints about it, so I have written to the RSPCA and the RSPB to ask for advice on the matter." Lyndsey Waddell, chairman of the National Gamekeepers Organisation, explained: "You get a similar thing in a variety of other birds as spring approaches and the breeding season begins. All the bird is doing is protecting what it considers to be its territory." He suggested the best way to deal with the creature would be to capture it humanely and release it back into the countryside far from the village.
Well I will be honest, this news story couldn't have come at a better time because I have just finished writing a script for a new horror movie called 'The Bird'. Basically it is to be an UK based version of Hitchcock's classic.
I mean, it's articles like this that prove life is worth living. You hardly need me to comment on it to laugh out loud. I will make a point of just how retarded these country bumpkins are. Their solution to capture it humanely and release it back into the countryside is beyond stupid. Just shoot the fucking bird, they're quite tasty. And sorry, but have you seen the size difference between a human and a pheasant? The equivalent of this 'problem' would be a naked unarmed human attacking a T-Rex or some other dinosaur of similar dimensions. NOT a problem (for the dinosaur).
And the revenge theory? I'm pretty sure that pheasants don't have the mental capacity for that. And if the villager's shot the partner, then shoot it's mate as well. This is so ridiculous. It's not as if this is a were-pheasant or something.
It's villages such as these that make such complaints that deserve to be inflicted with the curse of a werewolf. Imagine if this village was. "The postman tried kicking the belligerent beast away but was impeded in continuing in doing so by the fact that it promptly tore him in half. His associates were too scared to continue delivering mail to the village. Mrs Hall's partner, Robin Leonard, added "The beast's attack left her without a leg and her left breast. She is thus finding it tremendously difficult to feed our 1 year old Jamie." There have been no reported sightings recently, but with the full moon approaching, it is only a matter of time before carnage and terror will be wreaked again."
Pheasant or werewolf? I would choose pheasant. Country or city? I would choose city. At least there, people are a different kind of stupid.
Bin Laden was top of the US "most wanted" list
